Christmas is over and I feel like a failure. I had 14 family members staying in my house this past week, plus my immediate family. That is a lot of people in a small space for 10 days. I thought I would have full patience and love to get through it with God. I did at the beginning! The problem was, I wasn’t spending my alone time with you, Jesus. I missed church. I felt God this morning while I was lamenting over how I behaved say, “You neglected going to church and meeting with me.” I didn’t prioritize you Father I am sorry. I still went to work even though we had guest, but I didn’t go to church. I NEED that corporate worship moment to remind myself why we are here. I need that moment to find my purpose again and meet with God along side my peers who are pursuing the same thing. There is great encouragement knowing I am not on the journey alone. There is so much more hope when you are pursuing Christ with others. God was barely acknowledged in our household on Christmas. Just a prayer over the food. His holiday, and all he got was a nod. Forgive me Father for forgetting the most important thing. Boy did I feel it. I am a whole different person when I am not engaging with Jesus regularly. I am WAY less joyful. Patience doesn’t exist. I turn into a straight up entitled brat. Father, I need you so much. I don’t like who I am apart from you. I know you are always with me even when I am not getting that time, but I need you daily like I need bread. Like I need water. I need your nourishment to be my best self.

Just like I need food and water to be my best self. I need Jesus regularly to be my best self. Athletes feed their bodies carefully to accomplish their goals. They especially fuel up before they perform at gametime. We make sure our children eat a good breakfast before a big test. Food effects our mood and performance so much. I have been operating while being depleted spiritually. No wonder my performance sucked. I skipped church to be the best hostess. I wanted to be there for my guest. BUT skipping church and time with God has the opposite effect. I need to communicate that with my husband so that we are on the same page. I need to implement that going forward. I need to apologize to me guest for not loving them the way I intended to.

Jesus, I love you and need you so much. Thank you for showing me how much I need you. You really turn something bad into a lesson and a gift. Please remind me and give me the strength and opportunity to implement this lesson going forward. I’m sorry for failing but thank you for the time this morning. I was chugging your presence like water. It wasn’t enough and left me wanting more. Be with me throughout the day and create that time and show me through your Holy Spirit when that time is. I know my commute creates those moments but show me when I’m not commuting how to find you in a crowded house. I love you so much. Thank you so much for my family that is visiting. Thank you for my family that came all the way to Texas to be with us. Help me to see them the way you see them. Fill me with your love for them. Fill me so that they see you through me. You deserve all the glory. Please be with them on their departures and keep them safe on their way home. I love you so much. I trust you. In Jesus name. Amen.