Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”. – Mark 9:24

This Christmas, my son is going to go be with his dad, which is wonderful! They have a beautiful relationship. But there have been major difficulties in the past. He has been put in danger, then protected by law, and this will be the first time he is exposed to that danger in a year and a half as the protection under the law has been lifted. My motherly instincts are being forced to surrender control. All I want to do is protect my son, but I have no choice but to let him go. Fear has been waking me up at night about this, filling my head with lies and what if circumstances that haven’t even happened. Fear has been causing me to anticipate the worst. I have been listening to fear. Mostly at night. But when I wake up and get into the presence of my holy Father, he reminds me that He loves my son more than I ever could. He reminds me the I was never in control in the first place. He fills me with faith to overcome the fear. He reminds me that He is much stronger than the evil that wants to hurt my child. He tells me that evil wouldn’t be after my child if there wasn’t such a strong calling on his life and that His will always overcomes. Then suddenly fear is back. Back again. Nah nah nah. Telling me that I don’t have enough faith to keep my son protected. That my weakness will cause him to be in danger again… Back and forth. A very emotional cycle loaded with lots of confident highs and plenty of anxious lows.

This morning God reminded me of the father in Mark 9 desperate to protect his son from evil that was out of his control. A father who was honest enough to say he believes God does have control but needs help with his unbelief. And guess what? Jesus saved his son. Jesus has had control the whole time.

What a relief it is that God makes room for our honesty and lack. It is so refreshing and comforting that Jesus knows and sees my unbelief, but answers because He is good. Not because I am. My faith is not perfect. I need help with my unbelief all the time. When I listen to fear, I am not listening to God. But even then, God is fighting for me. Fighting for my son. And winning. There is grace to cover my unbelief. All I must do is humble myself ask for help.

Father, I come to you in Jesus name asking for you to protect my son and help me in my unbelief! I am sorry for doubting your goodness. Thank you for the grace you show me anyway. I do not deserve you, but still you call me. You are my source of hope. Fill me and fill my child with your Holy Spirit. Fill my child with your power to overcome! Protect him with your presence covering him. I pray for the person causing him danger, that you deliver them from their torturers. Heal their heart and bring them closer to you. Save them, bless them, hold them. Give them your favor. Thank you, Jesus for being faithful, even when I am not. How I love you. How I need you. How I trust you. I trust you. I trust you.